When it just you and your husband

Raising children is hard, especially when you do not receive any outside help it seems like. Now I am not talking about financially, I am talking about physically and emotionally. Take it from me, ever since our daughter was born, it has been just my husband and I raising our daughter. I know what you are about too ask, well isn't that how it is supposed too be? The answer to that is well of course and we wouldn't trade our life now for anything else in the world, at the same time it does get exhausted from time to time. When we know we can not receive much help from anybody outside of the home because people have their own lives with work, school, families of their own etc. One of the main reasons why I had to quit my job was because we couldn't even get someone too watch our daughter on;y for a few hours in between me and my husbands shifts on the weekends and I wasn't going to hire just anybody too watch our daughter. Do not get me wrong however when we do receive help with babysitting we are internally grateful, however it is really only once in a blue moon and I mean maybe once every few months if that and its only for a day or two if that. I want you to understand something, people do support us as parents and utterly glad we had her and in love with her. However our families were raised that if you have children, its your job too raise them, no one else's so that is what we are doing. It is ok too have babysitters every once in a while as long as your still the one raising your own child, your sitter is not the one basically doing the raising for you. For an example I knew about someone who wanted to use her sitter everyday, even on the days she's off of work just so her and her husband can have date nights, which nothing is wrong with having date nights but you can still have them when you have children, its very possible, you don't have to go anywhere for date nights, you can just stay at home and have a romantic dinner while your children are asleep or playing, you make it work. Now I admit I do sometimes envy those who do receive help raising their children, especially during the nights where my husband is working doubles and our daughter will not go down no matter what I do because her teething or she's having a growth spork. At the same time there are some benefits when it is just us two raising our child. We can parent how we wanna parent and discipline how we wanna discipline, it also very rewarding, we can say that we actually raised our child(ren) on our very own with absolutely no help. Besides our family has told us when you have children you have too sacrifice.

My Life has changed in Numerous Ways

So as you have read my life has changed in numerous ways, wonderful ways and more ways than one as well since the last time I was on here. First of all let me state that you have read I am now a stay at home wife and mother now. I got married on my 30th birthday too the love of my life my best friend David. We met through a mutual friend of ours who actually was my x roomie. My x roomie and my now husband used too work together, he was looking for someone to settle down with, she told him about me so him and I became friends for a few months over Facebook and after many attempts too try and go out with me I finally caved in and said yes too our first date. Saying he was excited when I finally agreed too go out with him was an understatement he was thrilled. So we went out, our first date was at the olive garden and than at the Starbucks here in the Huntsville area. I will admit at first glance I was apprehensive about him since he did not look like my type that I would usually would go out with but that was so stupid to judge like that and I admit was being a hypocrite especially since I like too preach on how not too judge. However the more we talked the more we went out and the more I realized what a wonderful man he was and I started too fall for him more everyday. A few months later we found out we were pregnant. I was excited especially since I got told I couldn't have kids. So just a couple of months after we found out we were having a baby girl, the day of our pregnancy photos, he decided to get down on one knee and pop the question! I was excited. A man I have been praying for all my life asked me too marry him! I have always wanted to marry a man like my late pap-paw, whom took care of my mam-maw from the moment they started to date started to take of her even more the day they got married all the way until the day he died. It wasn't the fact that he took care of her, its the fact how he treated her, he treated her like a queen and I always wanted that, I always wanted a man that would treat me like a queen especially after many tumultuous relationships in the past. Now I finally got that, so I told him straight up after he proposed we are not going to have a long engagement, I do not want a long engagement. David said sure but lets focus on having our daughter first and I said deal. Than just a few months after we had our daughter we scheduled the big day, and that day was my 30th birthday, July 31st 2019 and it was the most beautiful, amazing, memorizing day of my life. I'll admit at first I wanted to jump out of airplane on my 30th birthday but that was before I even met my beautiful husband and we had our beautiful daughter. Besides getting married was less dangerous but I still do plan on jumping out of a plane someday.
Until than Im just gonna enjoy my beautiful family. Until next time thanks for reading more coming soon.

I'm here for you

For all of you out there I just want you to that I am here for you 

Rather your happy or blue

I am here for you

African American, white, Hispanic, gay, straight, whatever

Come to me I am here for you

My heart is open come on through

For we need nothing but love right now in this world and my heart is filled of nothing but love, if you need anything 

For what I am saying is true

I am here for you.

So proud of myself

Right now I can't sleep cuz I can't stop thinking about going back to college in just 6 days. Time sure can not come any faster. I keep thinking about how just in 3 semesters, a year from this may I am going to be a college graduate for the second time! And I have been through a lot to get to where I'm at today I just can't stop crying about it in happiness. First let me tell u that I never thought I would even get this far. Now I made honors all the way thro school but when it came to taking finals & that stupid TAKS test I kept freezing. It took me 5 times just to pass the math and science ones. I remember I even had to sacrifice being in choir for a whole year and sacrifice a whole summer just so I can go to summer school to get tutoring so that way I can pass & graduate with my class. Then one day (I remember it like it was yesterday) getting a yellow slip to the counceling office to get told that I passed & I will graduate with my class! I started balling. Then the next day I saw myself on the deans list to graduate & move on to college. Too bad we didn't have iPhones back then & FB was just for college students cuz I would of totally took a pic of my name on that list! My first college experience was of course at Brookhaven, part of the Dallas County Community College District & I kind of liked it. I didn't like how I got the 7:30amers but I loved how my classes was only until noon then I was done for the day. As I advanced in classes however the classes did get harder for me. I ruled in my English, writing, & geography classes but as soon as I started to advance in math, I had to start going to tutoring once again early in the morning & until late at night, so u can say I didn't really have a life cuz my life revolved around my studies & graduating with my associates, which I eventually did. It took me a while but I will never forget that day I went to an advisor for the following semester & they were looking at my classes, grades, GPA, & my progress really closely until they made  huh sound, so I looked at them like what, something wrong? Then the question Have you ever thought about applying for graduation??? I was in shock, I couldn't believe it. Here I am sitting there saying to myself wow I'm actually going to graduate college. Granted I would just be graduating with an Associates in General Arts but knowing that I did this by working hard, studying, & working full time I was so proud of myself I started crying as I was filling out an application for graduation for the following spring semester. I haven't even applied for an university at that time yet cuz I thought I wasn't even close to graduating so I had to go to Collin county for a while until one day I was listening to music going through my email & I got an acceptance letter from the first university I applied to, which is of course Sam Houston State University. Now I only have 3 semesters left until I graduate from there. I'm so excited cuz my life is going to change & be way different as soon as I cross that stage again. I see myself being a well known Disc Jockey like Kid Kraddik & Casey Casem full time & an executive producer for some famous show. I can see myself in my own big 2 story (maybe bigger) house with a my Kia & BMW out in the 2 car garage possibly living in the L.A. Or Stamford Connecticut area or both. I also see myself owning a house here in the DFW area one day as well. I see myself VERY successful & independent (like how I am now) I admit sometimes I get discouraged & on sometimes I just feel like giving up but then just I start to look back & say to myself no I can get through this, I believe I can get thro this & I will get thro this. I've worked to hard to give up now. All this hard work will pay off cuz "One day [I] will be standing in the hall of fame & the world will know [my] name."

In loving Memmory of an angel name Marissa Provenza

Today in Florida my best friend and his family are celebrating the life of our friend, their sister/daughter Marissa Provenza. Marissa went to be with our Lord on October 2nd just a day before her 26th birthday. Marissa was not only a beautiful person on the outside, she was a beautiful person on the inside. She had such a big heart to where she would give the shirt of her back for anyone. My family & I have known her ever since she was 6 and she was always so sweet to everyone. She also had a wonderful sense of humor as well. I remember on her 7th birthday she was having a birthday party at her house with friends & family & her brother/my best friend Nicki dropped something in between a small space where their couch was & Marissa couldn't find anyone that could fit into the small space since no one was available to move the couch at the time, until someone mentioned that maybe I could fit into the space since I was so tiny & still am. So Marissa asked me if I could fit in the space to get what Nicki dropped & so I got into that space & was able to get the object. Marissa was just so stunned that I was able to fit into the small space & told me to bend & get down into the area to see if I could hide in it and I could so I did. I kneeled down into the area & as her friends came over she said to them hey everyone come see the smallest girl on earth & she's only a year younger then I am, it was so cute & funny but that's how she was. She was herself. We will all miss her very much but I know that as I look up to the sky she is there watching over all of us proud of us smiling saying everything's ok. How I have said before & will always say Marissa was always an angel, she's just angel that has received her wings now. 

A poem to Marissa

You were so beautiful inside and out

You always believed in everyone without a doubt

You had such a beautiful smile

To where it will remain in our minds for a while

But one thing is for sure we will never forget ever

Is the lives you have changed forever

We love you

R.I.P Marissa Provenza

October 3rd 1988-October 2nd 2014

The Deep Thoughts of me about Robin Williams death

Today we all have learned about the horrible death of the extraordinary actor Robin Williams. According to records he died of an apparent suicide because of severe depression he has been suffering from for many years. This absotulutely breaks my heart for not only was he talented, hilarious & outgoing actor, he was a wonderful person as well but not everything is what it seems. Mr. Williams was really hurting deep down inside. According to many articles & biographies he was suffering through a drug & drinking addiction in the 80's & 90's until he went into rehab & got clean for 20 years. Then in 2013 he checked himself back into rehab to focus on his sobriety. He also was going through a deep depression as well for many years. This goes to show you that just because people seem happy on the outside does not mean that they are happy on the inside. Some people give off the impression that they are not hurting just so they do not want sympathy. Take it for me, I have been suffering through depression for many years now & I am funny, quick witted & talented. To everybody I seem happy when sometimes (not always) I'm not, & it's kind of funny I can not think of a single thing to be depressed about.. I have loving family & friends, I keep excelling in school & I have the determination & tenacity to finish out on top my mom has always told me. I just sometimes get depressed, now granted I do get help for it & I'm not to ashamed to admit it. that's why I can not understand why people call other people with mental disorders crazy when infact us people with mental disorders are far from crazy, especially us who suffer with depression. For those who do not understand depression is actually a chemical imbalance in your brain, so it is considered as a disease that should be taken very seriously. That's why instead of judging someone we should all love each other & let them know that we all are here for one another no matter what. We should talk to those who need help & suffer through this terrible disease & just like what a character in Madeas Family Reunion say very well "Grab them & tell them that u love them, if you need anything come to me, if you need me come to me. I'll give you a shoulder , I'll give you a hug. I'll bathe you, I'll clothe you if you need it." When you hear someone wanting to hurt themselves or other people NEVER just blow that off stand up & say something because people can mean what they say. Take for an example (& these are horrible ones) Elliot Rodger who did the Santa Barbara killings back on May 23rd, he wrote a 141 page manifesto about his life & made YouTube videos about what he was going to do to all those people who never paid attention to him & treated him like crap. That manifesto & videos should of never been taken lightly, & all this time he was suffering inside, reports are saying he had a form of a brain disorder called Asperger's syndrome, which a person is not alright in the brain sometimes just like depression. That is why as soon as someone saw this manifesto or saw these videos they should of reported it immediately! I would of. Also the child who did the Sandy Hook killings a while back, he was also suffering from Asperger's syndrome. A study is now saying over 75% of prisoners that have killed have some sort of mental illness. Now the tragic death of Robin Williams.. This world will never be the same without the man of many characters. It just goes to show if you notice someone, anyone not acting like themselves or that you know has a mental illness never take their life or any lives for granted for that matter. Always talk to them, be there for them, check up on them because you will never know if that will be the last day that you will ever see them alive. "R.I.P Robin Wiliams May you make God Laugh" -Comedy Club-

2nd Semester @ SHSU

Well you saw I am in my second semester of SHSU already and boy has a lot has happened since then. Ok Well first I had to make a new Blog as you can tell, for some reason I got locked out of my first one and couldn't get back in so I just decided to get a new one and here it is. Let me start on what has all happened since my last blog, first of all I have become a DJ for our schools radio and a DJ manager as well! Its such an exhilarating experience! I get to not only play what I want to play on the radio I am in charge of all the new recent DJs. I also have my dorm room all to myself, my 3rd room mate decided to leave and go to a different dormentory where her cousin and best friend is, so I decided to re-decorate the room and man does it look huge! Its amazing how much room there is in one little dorm room when you bunk the beds and put the beds against the back wall, which I did. I also put up posters and made a fortress out of my beds. But that's not all that has happened I have made a lot of friends in Chi Alpha and I also got an opportunity to intern at CBS news! Im going to turn in the application on the 28th of this month. Well until next time, this is your DJ Cleo signing out!!!